The Fire on the Horizon
by libgysig
Summary: A series of AU drabbles, set after season four. Arthur comes to understand his father. Character death.
1. The Winter Child

_The Winter Child_

_She caught him at the door to the busy council chambers and pulled him to a near alcove._

_"It can wait," she whispered, pressing a finger to his protesting lips. "Arthur, I'm with child!"_

_He looked at her, dumbstruck. They had not been married four months._

_"Are you sure?" he asked, taking her two hands._

_"Of course!" she exclaimed._

_Her face was the brightest he had ever known it, her delight seemed near contagious._

_He laughed then, loudly and happily, clasping her close to him. _

_"A winter child," she said, before he kissed her fiercely on her river wide smile._


	2. The Perfect Choice Part 1

_The Perfect Choice - Part One _

_"What about me? "Merlin asked. "I could be the baby's guardian." _

_He quickly ducked behind the shield, grinning as he awaited Arthur's response. _

_"You can't be a guardian, Merlin. You're a servant and a useless one at that. Lower your shield!" Arthur shouted. _

_He flexed his shoulders as Merlin rearranged his defence. _

_"Besides," Arthur continued. "You're going to be the baby's servant. My gift to you."_

_Merlin pulled his shield down, not sure if this was one of Arthur's jokes. _

_"Shoulder height," said Arthur, sounding irritated. _

_Merlin didn't move. _

_"I'm joking, Merlin. Why would I trust my child with you?"_


	3. Inevitable Fear

_Inevitable Fear _

_Late in the darkness of a blustery night, ensconced in the privacy of their chambers, Arthur curled around Gwen as she lay on her side, the only position of relative comfort, given her size._

"_I'm scared, Arthur," she whispered. _

_He pulled the covers to her shoulder, put his arm about her. _

_"I'm scared of everything to come, of everything that could happen...of the birth, of the baby...am I ready for this?" _

_He took a deep breath. These were the dark thoughts that had circled in his mind too, underneath the outward joy of impending fatherhood. _

_He swallowed. _

_"So am I."_


	4. The Fork in the Road

_The Fork in the Road _

_Arthur had ridden as far as the Forest of Ascetir with Merlin on the road to Ealdor. _

_"Thank you," Merlin said, as they stopped in a clearing."I hope you can manage without me for a few days." He grinned at the King. _

_"I hope your mother gets better soon," Arthur said solemnly. Merlin had received a letter from home begging his return._

_There was a moment of silence between them. Each man knew that, in a few days, everything would change. _

_"You'll be fine," said Merlin finally, placing his hand on Arthur's shoulder. _

_"I hope so, Merlin." Arthur replied._


	5. The Long Wait

_The Long Wait_

_Arthur stayed as close to the birthing chamber as the midwives would allow. _

_This meant on the floor outside, where he could hear the voices of the women attending, interspersed with Gwen's cries and whimpers._

_It was the second night of labour and, feeling utterly helpless, Arthur was finding it difficult to endure. _

_Each time the door opened, he would look up expectantly, only for a girl to swish past him as if he weren't there. _

_Finally, the noise grew to a crescendo. _

_Arthur held his breath, listening intently, his heart hammering hard in his chest. _

_Then - _

_- a child wailed!_


	6. The Perfect Choice Part 2

_The Perfect Choice - Part Two _

_His name was Thomas and with his head of dark hair, he was more Gwen's child than of the House of Pendragon. _

_The unexpected rush of joy and love that Arthur had felt for this little thing had forced his recent fears back into the shadows. _

_Gwen dozed, waking occasionally to watch her proud husband cradle their son. _

_Arthur beamed at his wife when he caught her eye, moving to the bed to kiss her tenderly. _

_"Thank you," he said. _

_Gwen smiled gently, touching the infant prince's head. _

_Why had I worried? Arthur thought. Everything is going to be fine._


	7. The Worst of All His Tasks

_The Worst of All His Tasks  
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_By the light of a pale, cold dawn and as Arthur slept in the chair beside her bed, Gwen slipped softly from the world._

_After Thomas's birth, she had sickened quickly but it had still taken a full week for the childbed fever to claim her._

_As day crept over the horizon, Gaius pressed two fingers into the side of her throat. _

_He felt for several moments and when he finally accepted that her thready pulse had vanished completely, the tears sprang into his eyes._

_He hated what he must now do: rouse the King to a life rendered unbearable._


	8. Of All Things, He Should Know This 1

_Of All Things, He Should Know This - Part One  
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_On his return, it was not until Merlin saw the stricken faces of Camelot's people that he knew tragedy had befallen the city._

_Gwaine directed him to the empty Great Hall where, upon the plinth that Uther had lain mere months before, was Gwen. _

_Weeping quietly, Arthur had lain his head upon her belly. Their new son was nowhere to be seen._

_Merlin bolted for the doors. _

_He sought out Gaius but before Merlin could ask the question, the physician stopped him in his tracks._

_"Arthur would never have permitted the use of magic to save her. You know that."_


	9. Remember Me By This  Part One

_Remember Me By This - Part One  
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_Someone had washed her, dressed her in royal attire and surrounded her with flowers, but Arthur wanted to cast it all aside and shake her violently until she awoke._

_They had borne her to the shores of Avalon and now prepared to cast her pyre out onto the silver lake. _

_Arthur waded thigh deep into the water and took Gwen's hand for the final time. He pressed it to his lips, but she was ice cold and tasted like fresh air._

_He set it back down and through her fingers set two stems of purple flowers, picked from the roadside._


	10. Remember Me By This  Part Two

_Remember Me By This - Part Two  
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_Merlin wept as the King placed the wildflowers into Gwen's hand._

_A moment later, four knights pushed the pyre out onto the lake. The current caught the barge, taking it away from the shoreline. _

_A shout went up and three flaming arrows rose into the sky, then fell to set the pyre alight._

_Arthur did not move as he watched the fire on the horizon. _

_Merlin stepped into the water alongside him._

_"I can't live without her, Merlin."_

_On the bank of the lake, the infant prince wails in the nurse's arms._

_"I know." Merlin said softly. "But...you must."_


	11. Of All Things, He Should Know This 2

_Of All Things, He Should Know This - Part Two_

_The first year passed in a haze of treaties and tournaments. _

_Arthur only remembered the pain. _

_He felt as though his innards had been carved out, sent to burn alongside Gwen and then had the remaining cavity filled with never-ending grief._

_He felt as though he had crossed worlds and now lived in a shadow world to everyone else._

_The worst of all was that he could not bear to hold his son. _

_Somehow, loving Thomas was a betrayal of his wife, yet he knew only too well that it was an unforgivable thing to do to an innocent child._


	12. The Darkest Hour

_The Darkest Hour..._

_On Thomas's third birthday, Arthur bedded a woman for the first time in years._

_His overwhelming guilt and his embarrassment at his quick, lacklustre performance coalesced into a rage that his young son bore the brunt of the following evening._

_Each night, the nursemaid would bring the toddler prince to bid goodnight._

_That night was no different, yet the ale that Arthur had consumed to dull his shame found his darkest thoughts and voiced them all._

_"Why her? Why not you?"_

_The maid took Thomas and ran, while Arthur destroyed his chambers._

_"I wish that she had lived, not you!"_


	13. Is Just Before the Dawn

_...Is Just Before the Dawn_

_Naturally, it is Merlin who angrily tells the King that Thomas is not to blame for Gwen's death. _

_Arthur had his servant confined to a cell for those words._

_It is only after a day spent deliberating with himself that Arthur acknowledged Merlin was right and released him, apologising profusely._

_They spent that evening around the fire in the Great Hall, the night disappearing through small measures of wine._

_"You can choose, you know. You are not your father," Merlin reminds him._

_"I know. And she would be so angry. But...somehow I understand him now, better than I ever have."_


	14. This, The Hardest Fight

_This, The Hardest Fight_

_And so, though he loved his father, there were many ways in which Arthur did not want to be like him. Thus, the King resolved to quell his grief and become the father his son deserved._

_Together, they rode, hunted and laughed._

_But, despite his intentions, it felt such a struggle. _

_His grief had been an old friend, a shadow that had accompanied him everywhere. To try and lift the veil of sadness felt near impossible._

_On his son's tenth birthday, Arthur realised something...that the years he had grieved for Gwen now outnumbered the years that he had loved her._


	15. Epilogue: Always

_Epilogue: Always  
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_Arthur grinned as he watched his twenty-one year old son marry a blacksmith's daughter._

_He is part Pendragon after all._

_Later, Arthur sat with Merlin during the festivities and told him how he had taken Thomas aside that morning and apologised for not being a good father._

_Yet his love-struck son, ever his mother's child, had absolved him...understood him._

_How far they both had come._

_Merlin caught sight of the old trinket around Arthur's neck and gestured to it. _

_Arthur produced Gwen's wedding band around a length of cord._

_"After all this time?" Merlin asked, smiling sadly.  
><em>

_"Always," said Arthur._


	16. Author's Notes

Reader, (I married him...)

I hope that you have 'enjoyed' this self-indulgent set of rather depressing drabbles and will forgive me any major errors, plot holes or out-of-character lapses I have made.

I did steal the final lines from my epilogue from the marvellous Harry Potter! And yes, I borrowed my cremation scene from what I remember of early 1990s film "First Knight". Subsequent research has also indicated that a burial may have been more likely and in keeping with Dark Ages/Medieval beliefs. Whoops!

Here all credit belongs to the BBC and the Merlin team.

Any praise and/or criticism would be gratefully accepted.

L x


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